One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.