One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.

What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.