One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I...

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I...

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a...

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a...