I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.