I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.