I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

You compare the tortoise to the hare

You compare the tortoise to the hare

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!