I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Marriage Quotes, Judgement Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I should get a college art credit for the masterpieces I have drawn on my...

I should get a college art credit for the masterpieces I have drawn on my...

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only...

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only...

Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.

Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.