I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Quote by Groucho Marx
Funny Marriage Quotes
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.