I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Marriage Quotes, Judgement Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.