I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Marriage Quotes, Judgement Quotes, Marriage Quotes

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.