Quotes by Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene and not heard.

#Truth

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

#Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

#Bed, #Funny

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

#Funny

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

#Funny

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

#Funny

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

#Funny

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

#Funny, #Military

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

#Life

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

#Life

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

#Funny, #Women

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

#Funny, #Women