Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Quote by Groucho Marx
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...