My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.