Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...