Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

What makes men indifferent to their wives is that they can see them when they...

What makes men indifferent to their wives is that they can see them when they...

Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try and give their...

Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try and give their...