Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Ride the horse in the direction that it's going

Ride the horse in the direction that it's going

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at...

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at...