Humor is reason gone mad.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Humor Quotes

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.