I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Quote by Steven Wright
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.