I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Common-sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.

Common-sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.