Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to...

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to...

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some...

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some...