My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.