There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.