I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.