I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.