Quotes by Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

#Funny

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

#Funny

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

#Funny

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

#Funny

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

#Funny

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

#Funny

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

#Funny

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

#God

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

#God

How young can you die of old age?

#Age, #Funny

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

#Life

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

#Funny, #Jokes