I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?