I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.