I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Quote by Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
How young can you die of old age?
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...
If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100...
Identity theft involving these cards is a growing form of white collar crime, facilitating illegal...