I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

I think I swallowed a bug!

I think I swallowed a bug!