If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.