I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the...

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the...

The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement....

The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement....