I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.