I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...