I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
So, do you live around here often?
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
At one point he decided enough was enough.
What a nice night for an evening.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...