I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.