I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.