I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...