If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.