How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Wisdom Quotes

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.