It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?