It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

When I started Victoria Principal Products, there were 22 full-time employees - they were all...

When I started Victoria Principal Products, there were 22 full-time employees - they were all...

If you live long enough, youll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, youll...

If you live long enough, youll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, youll...