I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I always advise people never to give advice.

I always advise people never to give advice.

When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for...

When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for...

Catholics are necessarily at war with this age. That we are not more conscious of...

Catholics are necessarily at war with this age. That we are not more conscious of...

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.