I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...