I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.