I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?