On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?