On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...
How young can you die of old age?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?