Hermits have no peer pressure.
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
What a nice night for an evening.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.