I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?