I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Friends Quotes

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.