My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.