My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...