Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Quote by Steven Wright
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...
So, do you live around here often?
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...