Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...