Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Quote by Steven Wright
What's another word for Thesaurus?
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
What a nice night for an evening.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.