Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?