Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.