Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.