How young can you die of old age?
Quote by Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...