Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.