Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.

I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.