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I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
#Steven Wright
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
#Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
#Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...
#Steven Wright
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
#Steven Wright
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...
#Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...
#Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
#Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...
#Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
#Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...
#Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
#Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...
#Steven Wright
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
#Steven Wright
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...
#Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...
#Steven Wright
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
#Steven Wright
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
#Steven Wright
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