When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Canada Quotes

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'