When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Canada Quotes

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.