In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.