So, do you live around here often?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.

We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.