I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...