I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.

A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.