I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
Old age is - a lot of crossed off names in an address book.