I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.

Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.

Old age is - a lot of crossed off names in an address book.

Old age is - a lot of crossed off names in an address book.