If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.