I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Quote by Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...
To be free is to have achieved your life.
One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only...
Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to...