It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...