It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and...

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...