Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Quote by Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...
I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...
At one point he decided enough was enough.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...