One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Morning Quotes

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep,...

It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep,...