Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Friendship Quotes, Funny Quotes

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

Age steals away all things, even the mind.

Age steals away all things, even the mind.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and...

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and...

If a man talks bad about all women, it usually means he was burned by...

If a man talks bad about all women, it usually means he was burned by...