Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Quote by Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Quotes
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...
I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...
Do you mind if I don't smoke ?
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.