Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely...

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely...

Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men...

Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men...