Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb…

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Where children are, there is the golden age.

Where children are, there is the golden age.

I have some women friends but I prefer men. Don't trust women. There is a...

I have some women friends but I prefer men. Don't trust women. There is a...