My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.