I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Quote by Groucho Marx
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...
Do you mind if I don't smoke ?
Humor is reason gone mad.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.