I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Quote by Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.